I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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