So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Randomize
