why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
