called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
