i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
