Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
