And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
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He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
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I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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