so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
