I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
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