I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
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it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
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