you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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