apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
This is the high leading the old right now
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
Randomize
