I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
