Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
I really don't know where my pants are, but that's not the problem. When are you going to unlock the door?
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
Randomize
