i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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