I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
