Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
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