We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
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Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
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Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Stumbled out of my bed this morning into the bathroom at 8 am still drunk, obviously. The Mormon on my floor was in the bathroom. I could practically hear her doing hail marys for me.
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