Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
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