it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
