I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
