I may or may not have started my period at the bar. Good thing I have dark jeans on.
well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
