Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
HE'S LIKE A GREEK GOD BUT HE'S FROM BOSTON. HE'S A BOSTON GOD
pray to him
I WANNA PRAY ON HIS DICK