Texts From Last Night

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  (206): View more from Washington

  That's when you crack a 10am beer

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  (206): That's when you crack a 10am beer http://tfl.nu/ppt1
  Replies (12) Good night (2616) Bad night (588)
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  (940): View more from Texas

  and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.

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  (940): and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics. http://tfl.nu/usna
  Replies (12) Good night (2455) Bad night (639)
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  (514): View more from Quebec

  i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving

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  (514): i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving http://tfl.nu/yrvc
  Replies (7) Good night (3469) Bad night (1249)
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  (818): View more from California

  At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.

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  (818): At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis. http://tfl.nu/iwbw
  Replies (5) Good night (4122) Bad night (1482)
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  (678): View more from Georgia

  I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums

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  (678): I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums http://tfl.nu/28yn
  Replies (9) Good night (1512) Bad night (1312)
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  (631): View more from New York

  i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill

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  (631): i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill http://tfl.nu/bzs5
  Replies (9) Good night (3031) Bad night (757)
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  (607): View more from New York

  Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?

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  (607): Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates? http://tfl.nu/4l3k
  Replies (8) Good night (2792) Bad night (511)
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  (317): View more from Indiana

  Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.

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  (317): Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of. http://tfl.nu/wzwb
  Replies (4) Good night (1285) Bad night (419)
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  (505): View more from New Mexico

  I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened

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  (505): I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened http://tfl.nu/wwzi
  Replies (9) Good night (503) Bad night (1172)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.

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  (615): Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester. http://tfl.nu/ktfh
  Replies (6) Good night (1354) Bad night (530)
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  (916): View more from California

  I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want

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  (916): I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want http://tfl.nu/luqp
  Replies (7) Good night (1004) Bad night (383)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character

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  (920): He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character http://tfl.nu/qsh8
  Replies (4) Good night (1494) Bad night (363)
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  (865): View more from Tennessee

  You are my mentor.

  (276): View more from Virginia

  I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.

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  (865): You are my mentor. (276): I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement. http://tfl.nu/qxu9
  Replies (4) Good night (1161) Bad night (318)
• Favorite

  (619): View more from California

  I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.

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  (619): I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize. http://tfl.nu/w9hf
  Replies (2) Good night (413) Bad night (201)
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  (315): View more from New York

  Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.

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  (315): Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount. http://tfl.nu/8uiz
  Replies (1) Good night (206) Bad night (462)

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