I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.