I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
21 Ladies Confess The Grossest Things They Do When No One’s Around
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
23 Tweets I Thought Were Really Funny When I Was Drunk Yesterday
Also I stopped in the middle of the road and put my hazards on because BUNNIES WERE PLAYING
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'