I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
He got me a cake that said " Congratulations on the dick "
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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