Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
