you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
i think our first tip to leave should have been when we saw the drinks were coming out of a gas can
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
