The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now Heβs Upset Because People Told His Mom
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day ππ#pensacolaproblems
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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