i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Randomize
