ya dads aren't the best wingmen
For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
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