You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
