I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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