So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
