you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
Randomize
