Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
