he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
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