I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
