Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
I'm not sure I can continue to condone our having sex in all of your friends' beds
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
Randomize
