How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
