Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
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