You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
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