he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
Randomize
