You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
