bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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