You work out of a Hotel?
weddingsv make me drug and hornr
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Maybe don't sell him so much adderall next time. The other day during finals he was convinced that he could see the "molecules of life in the air" and kept reaching up slowly to grab them.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
he had hair everywhere except his balls
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Randomize
