then she made me sanitize my hands before fingering her...i may have found my soulmate
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Im rolling a blunt of encouragement for you to return to
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
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