Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Brunch got away from me. I might be a little high.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Randomize
