I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Are my feet made of real feet?
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
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