ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
Randomize
