well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Randomize
