So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I just witnessed Grandma making her infamous daiquiris. Extraordinary.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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