to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
Lo siento on account of my penis...
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
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