Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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