Soap is not a condiment
we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
some dude just accurately guessed my height and bra size.. that is cup AND inches around. creepy, yet impressive
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
