Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I'm slacking. We've been hooking up for months and I have yet to bang him while he's wearing the clown mask.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
