you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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