Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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