I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
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I woke up naked this morning there was a baseball bat on the floor the bathroom door knob was removed and the floor was wet. This is why i don't do Tequila shots.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Well we're either getting a bunny or I'm getting you pregnant in about 12 days.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
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Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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