SEEEEXXX PLEASE
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I asked if he wanted to come over and he said he was busy. Then I sent him a pic of me in the bath with the bottle of wine I already finished and all of a sudden he was free. Booty calls are too easy.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
How does one acquire holy water?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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