I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just remember lots of butts and something about ranch dressing.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize