Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Did you know there's no emoticon to really tell you that I just consumed a magic brownie?
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Randomize
