I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
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