This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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