I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
He's nice and all but I think I rather masturbate my way to happiness instead.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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